3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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