The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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