i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize