He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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