She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
