Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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