Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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