Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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