My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
