Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
