I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
