does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
