escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize