i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
