I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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