she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
