I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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