I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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