There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
