Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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