She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
