I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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