can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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