I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
