we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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