phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
