Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
