Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
