Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
