Since when is my name a synonym for head?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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