Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
