you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
