The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
