I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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