party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
