You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
