I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
