I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
