Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
