At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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