just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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