She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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