I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
