I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
