She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
