You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
