I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
