I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
My ATM looks so different sober.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He shit in the fireplace
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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