Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I queefed so loud it echoed.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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