if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We left an ass print on the piano.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm bleeding and have questions
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
