I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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