I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
