So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
