no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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