My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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