Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
