thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize