Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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