Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
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