two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
