There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Couch. On fire.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
