My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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