I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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