How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
