She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Terrible idea I love it
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
