Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
