Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
