Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
