Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
