can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
All the doctor said was why
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
