It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
