Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
So many bounce houses so little time
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
