Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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