shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
