I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
