I wish I only lived at night.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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