I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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